Diary for my sons: August 2011

Appendix A
Diary For My Sons

8/11/05 I called Camden and Bowdoin and Bowdoin didn't want to talk with me and Camden said hi, but both said in the background that they didn't want to see Daddy. They both had told me in the past that is what mommy tells them all the time. I didn’t get to see my children this weekend 8/12-8-14-05. This was my weekend to have you, but your mother refused.

8/13/05 I went swimming today and I thought of both of you Camden and Bowdoin. I wish you could have been here and played with Daddy. I love you and miss you both.

8/21/05 I went bowling last night with Lisa and Jessie. Wish you could have been there. It was fun and I did well, I didn't even fall. I thought about you all evening and I told everyone about both of you and showed your pictures. I love you and miss you so much.

8/25/05 I called to speak with you both and make arrangements for you to see Daddy tomorrow until Sunday but your mother would not make plans. It is my weekend to see you and be with you. I miss you and love you so much. I haven't seen you for almost a month. Linda finally told me your teacher's name - Mrs. Leonard.

9/01/05 Your teacher called me Camden and told me that you are doing well. I am so proud of you and wish I could talk with you and see you and Bowdoin.

9/04/05 I called today to speak with both of you but your mother wouldn't answer her cell phone and since I don't have your house phone, I couldn't speak with you. Your mother's boyfriend changed the number on July 24 to an unlisted number and your mother refuses to give it to me. I have been worried about you this past week. I hope you were all right this week and your mom was nice to you. Your mom had to go to court on Friday 9/2/05 where she pleaded guilty to grand theft. She received 5 years of probation. I went swimming today and for the past 2 weeks people at my apartment pool complex asked about where you both were. You are loved and missed by many people. I wanted to ask how school is for both of you. Your Daddy knows Bowdoin that you started school on Monday and I tried to talk with you but your mother refused. I miss you and love you both tremendously.

9/09/05 I tried to pick you both up so I could see you and celebrate your birthday Camden, but your mother refuse to meet me in Land O Lakes; she claimed that she couldn't leave Hernando County, so I drove to your house but your mother refused to answer the door. I bought you a cake Camden which will spoil before you even get to see it. I have many presents for your birthday Camden and I have a couple for you too Bowdoin. I have been thinking of you both lately and I miss and love you both very much. Daddy has to go to a specialist for his arm and I may need surgery. I wish that I could see you and talk with you. It was my weekend to be with both of you, but once again your mother refused to follow the divorce decree.

9/17/05 I am thinking of you both right now especially you Camden; it is your birthday. I have presents for you, but your mother won't let me see you. I miss you and love you both. Happy 6th birthday Camden! I called today and you hurt me Camden when you said that you don't want my gifts.

9/22/05 I talked with both of you tonight and you were both happy to hear from Daddy and you can't wait to see me. You were very excited about going to Chuckee Cheese with Dad. I can't wait to see you and be with and to celebrate your birthday, Camden. Linda argued that you both didn't want to be with me, but you both said that you can't wait to be with Dad.

9/25/05 I got to have and see you this weekend. I picked you up yesterday at 11:20. Linda was 20 minutes late. I had to drive to Brooksville because Linda didn't get permission to leave Hernando County. I gave you some presents and you both enjoyed them. Videos, a shirt and a necklace for your birthday Camden and a video and game for Bowdoin. Both of you told me that Linda received a diamond ring and is going to marry Kelly. I had to bring you back today at 12:00 noon so I only had you for 25 hours so we couldn't do too much. I wanted to go to Chuckee Cheese and the park, but we didn't have enough time. You both wanted to go to the before mentioned places, but Linda wouldn't let you stay any longer.

9/27/05 I called your school today Bowdoin, but your mother lied to me about where you were going to head start school. I called your mother but she wouldn't answer me as to your school's name and phone number. She said she was at the doctor's office with you Camden. She did not call back to inform me as to how you are or when your surgery is. I am so worried about you both and I think of you and love you and miss you both tremendously.

10/02/05 I have been thinking of you both every day. It is approaching the two-year anniversary of my accident. You never knew this but a couple of weeks before my accident, your mother lied to everyone saying that she had cancer again and couldn't be around you because she was getting radiation treatment; moreover that she was staying at the Catholic Church. All of that was a lie. Roxanne from the church called me to tell me that she was not staying at the church. As it turns out she never had a cancer treatment. She didn't have cancer. She was with her boyfriend - a guy named Lonny. We didn't know anything about this. Mimi and Papa came down to watch you while Daddy worked. They both received calls from men who wanted to know if Linda was married. Your mother cheated on me before the accident. You'll understand someday when you have a relationship with a girl that you want and expect them to be faithful. Your mother was never faithful to me, and it hurt so much because it hurts both of you as well as me. Once I found out that Linda was not getting cancer treatment she forced me to leave our house. I never should have left. A week later I had the car accident. She was with this Lonny guy from 2003 through the spring of 2004 but he found out what a liar Linda is for she told him that she needed thousands of dollars to have a funeral and to bury her mother who wasn't even dead. He called the Polly’s and discovered this. He then broke up with her. I have no respect for this Lonny guy because he knew Linda was married and had a family when he got involved with her. After Lonny, Linda got involved with a guy named Joe Kelly. He worked for Executive Curbing. This relationship didn't last that long. Both of these relationships I didn't know too much about because I was in a nursing home. I figured it all out when Billy Fagan and his wife Jasmine brought you both out to Heartland Nursing Home to see me because they were told that I was dead as were both of you by Linda. You see Linda and I were still married and she was committing adultery. You two were so happy to see me and you said Camden "I told you Bowdoin that Daddy is not dead." You both hugged me so much and cried for you were both so happy to see me. Linda's current man, Kelly Joseph McCabe spends all kinds of money on her taking her to Madre Gras and the Daytona 500. I have no idea who was watching both of you while Linda was away partying and drinking for weeks at a time. Your mother has a drinking problem, a problem being faithful and many legal problems. I'll provide you with copies of her extensive arrest record.

10/08/05 I am supposed to have you this weekend, but your mother refused to make arrangements for me to pick you up, let alone see you. I miss you and love you both.

10/09/05 I am supposed to be with you and I miss you both so much. Your mother won't let me know anything about your health. I know that you are supposed to have your tonsils out soon Camden, but your mother won't tell me the date or time. I haven't been allowed to talk with you for over 2 weeks. I miss you and am thinking of you too Bowdoin. I fed the ducks today and I told them all about you both. The ducks miss you guys.

10/16/05 I called to speak with you both today and Cassidy answered the phone and said that you were home and that Linda has a new cell phone and this number was now hers and that she has moved to Florida. I have no way of getting in touch with you for Cassidy refused to give me the number to the house or Linda's new cell phone. I wanted to see how you guys were and to tell you about Daddy's surgery this week. I love and miss you both a lot, a lot, a lot! I have presents for you both to open if and when I ever get to see you. Love Daddy.

10/20/05 I just learned that your mother was arrested 10/10/05 and 10/14/05 for shop lifting and some other crime. I am worried about you and love you. I have surgery today and your mother wouldn't let me talk with you. I hope I'll be all right and I'll try to talk with you after my procedure.

10/29/05 I called to talk with you but your mother wouldn't answer the phone or return my call/message. Daddy wanted to tell you about his surgery and wish you a happy Halloween. I hope you have a good Halloween. I miss and love you both.

11/01/05 Alan just called and Linda was arrested again for something perhaps not paying her fine according to Cassidy. Her probation officer called Alan to let him know.

11/02/05 I called Julie Cleveland (Linda's probation officer) today and Linda was arrested for a violation of her probation. Alan called tonight and Linda is still in jail and may be until November 29. She sold her Land Rover and hired an attorney.

11/04/05 I called to talk with you tonight and Kelly allowed me to say hi to you both and then Cassidy got on the phone and I asked her when I could see you but she refused to answer, so I asked to speak with Kelly and once again Cassidy refused. I can't talk with your mother because she is in jail and has been since 11/01/05 for shoplifting/stealing and violation of her probation. I am worried about you and I miss you so much. I am saying my prayers for you both numerous times everyday - I love you both very much.

11/09/05 I called to speak with you both at Linda's cell phone at 4:45 p.m. and Cassidy's cell phone 45 minutes later but no one returned my call. I want to see you and visit with you. Linda is still in jail. I haven't forgotten about you and I miss you so much. I am so worried about you. I love and miss you both so much. This is very hard on me. When I called on the fourth of November I asked to speak again with Kelly about having you both for Veterans Day weekend but Cassidy wouldn't put him on the phone again. I haven't seen you since September 25 and if I had it my way I would see you every other weekend because your Dad follows the law in fact I would have you all the time. I am so worried about you both with Thanksgiving coming up and your mother still in jail you should be with your Dad. I am trying everything in my power to get you.

11/11/05 I called both Linda's cell phone and Cassidy's at 10:30 am today Veteran's Day to talk with you and inquire about getting you this weekend, but no one returned my call. I love and miss you both tremendously.

11/13/05 I was supposed to have you this weekend but Kelly wouldn't arrange it. I bought all kinds of duck food so you could both feed the ducks. I am thinking of you and I love you both very much.

11/18/05 I called both Linda's and Cassidy's cell phones to speak with you so you could wish Daddy a happy birthday. I haven't seen you or talked with you on my birthday for 3 years. I love you and miss you both! I haven't seen you since September. I want to see you every day or at least every other weekend, but Linda and her boyfriend won't live up to the divorce decree.

11/20/05 I didn't give up and tried again twice today but no one would answer the phones or call me back. I miss you guys so much. Daddy loves you.

11/28/05 I have been so worried about you both!!!! Your mother has been in jail since
November 1 and you have been under the care of your mother's boyfriend (a guy named Kelly McCabe); I have tried to talk with him, but Cassidy refused to let me speak with him so I could find out if you were both all right. I called your mother's cell phone and Cassidy's cell phone and left numerous messages telling you that I loved you both and missed you, but rarely did anyone call me back. I missed you over Thanksgiving and I was very worried about you. I think of you both numerous times every day! And I love you!

12/10/05 I finally got to have you today and tomorrow. I took you both fishing and we caught large bass and you had fun. You both decorated the Christmas tree and made Christmas decorations. Bowdoin did an excellent job decorating the tree. Camden said that he had a blast playing at McDonalds. You both enjoyed opening your Christmas gifts. I totally enjoyed our time together and I can't wait to see you again.

12/25/05 I thought about you both today very much. I hope you had a great Christmas. I tried calling you but Linda wouldn't answer the phone, but remember that Daddy loves you both very much. I am supposed to have you for a week over Christmas Break but Linda doesn't follow the divorce decree. We would have had so much fun. I am constantly thinking about you both.

1/1/06 I called to wish you a Happy New Year and to talk with you but Linda wouldn't answer the phone or return my message. I am thinking of you guys and I wish we could see each other to go fishing and play air hockey. Daddy loves you both so much!

1/7/06 I made some pictures of both of you and I look at them constantly. I have called you numerous times from Christmas up to today, but Linda didn't or wouldn't answer her phone. I hope that you have got to at least listen to all the messages that I left for you. A moment doesn't go by that I am not thinking about you. Daddy loves you both so much! I M I S S you both so much! I got a frame for your school picture Camden and it looks great. I wish I had a school picture of you Bowdoin, but your mother wouldn't give me one.

1/8/06 Linda finally called back last night at 7:00 and I was allowed to speak with both of you for literally two minutes and you both told me that you got a new puppy for Christmas. I know you will take great care of it and teach it all kinds of new tricks. You’re both the puppy's Dad-raise it well. I know you will. I love you and miss you both very much. I haven't seen you guys for a month. I was supposed to have you for a week over Christmas Break, but your mother refused. She doesn't follow, let alone live up to the divorce decree.

1/15/06 I miss you guys so much! I haven't seen you once in 2006. I am so sad! I want so much to see you and be with you but your mother refuses to let you see me. I have a long weekend this weekend as you do from school (Martin Luther King Day) it would have been nice to get together and see each other but your mother refused. It appears as if she won't let us see one another, but never forget that your Dad loves you both so much and I am constantly thinking of both of you.

1/21/06 I am thinking of you both so much. Do you remember all the fun we used to have when we lived at house on Sagamore Street? We use to play tackle every day. We used to do the slip n' slide, play in the pool, play catch and you used to help Dad do all the yard work. We had so much fun! I used to play with you in your rooms, with all your toys and often times we even slept together for we were so tired from playing so hard. I am so sorry that your mother lost our house. We use to go fishing two to three times a week and we all caught fish, crappies, sunfish and bass. You both loved fishing with Dad so much. I loved it too. I am sorry that your mother sold all of my and your fishing gear. She had no right.

1/27/06 I hope you both are happy and healthy. I haven't seen you since December 10, 2005. I haven’t spoken with either one of you since January 8, 2006. I miss talking with you and finding out about you. I hope school is going well and I miss you and love you both so much.

2/6/06 I called yesterday to speak with both of you but Linda wouldn't answer the phone or return my message for you. I got a picture of all three of us from Lisa and it is very nice. I can't wait for you both to see it. I wish your mother would send me some pictures of you both. I still haven't received your school picture Bowdoin. I don't know why your mother is so mean to me. I still haven't seen you in 2006. I miss and love you both very much.

2/12/06 I called yesterday to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin, but Linda wouldn't answer the phone. I left a message for you but I'm sure you never got it. I wish I had your landline phone so I could call and actually get the chance to talk with you. I miss you both and love you both very much.

2/19/06 I called you guys yesterday but Linda didn't answer the phone. I left a message telling you both that Daddy loves and misses you every minute of every day! I haven't seen you since December 10, 2005! I still have your Christmas stockings to give you. I don't know why your mother is so mean to not let us spend time together or even talk with each other. I say my prayers every night praying for your happiness and good health. I am reading the bible and searching for answers and guidance. I love you Camden and Bowdoin and I miss you both very much.

3/4/06 I still haven't been allowed to talk with you or see you. Linda refuses to let me have any contact with you. She is mad because she knows that you both miss me and love me. Daddy does have some good news for you. I can now go up and down stairs. I no longer have to use an elevator. I have been working so hard physically. I can't wait for you both to see me and what I can now do. I am working too hard for both of you. I want you to be proud of your Dad. I know Linda tells you all kinds of bad stuff about your Dad. All lies! Your Dad is so proud of you Camden and Bowdoin. I miss you and love you both with all my heart and brain. I called today at 4:15 p.m. and Linda wouldn't answer the phone so I left a message. Hope you get my messages, but I doubt it! I'm sure Linda tells you both lies like "daddy never calls you and he doesn't love you", ALL LIES! It is so hard for me not to talk with you and not to be with you.

3/12/06 I called yesterday and left a message for you guys to call me, but I bet you didn't even get the message. I went swimming for the first time since my wrist/arm surgery in October last weekend. I wish you guys could have been here with me to swim. I watched Scooby Doo today and thought of you both. I have some Scooby slippers for you Bowdoin in your Christmas stocking; I hope that you will get them while they still fit. I love you Camden James and I love you Bowdoin James. You are my sons and regardless of what Linda says and does she can never change that!! I just wish that we could see each other and talk with one another at least once every two weeks. I haven't seen you since December 10, 2005 and I haven't talked with you on the phone since January 8, 2006. If I had it my way guys I would always be with you!

3/18/06 I am supposed to have you both this week for spring break! A whole week with your Dad - we would have so much fun, but your mother will never answer the phone when I call and she will never return any of my messages. Please know that a day does not go by that I don't think of you and wish that I could talk with you and be with you. I am so sorry that your mother broke our family up. I hope that one day you will see what happened and understand that your Dad has always and will always love you and support you. I say my prayers every night praying to God to look out for you and to keep you safe and happy. I also pray that you think of me with good thoughts. I know that your Mom has tried to poison your minds against me and for that I am truly sorry and I also pray that she will stop that. I hope that God will forgive her for her actions. Camden and Bowdoin I love you and miss you so much.

3/23/06 I just went in to sign papers declaring bankruptcy. When I was hurt in the car accident, Linda never paid any of the bills but they were all in my name. I didn't know that Linda wasn't paying any bills for I was stuck in the nursing home and hospitals. She took out plenty of credit cards in my name and never paid for them so my credit was devastated. She also had her car repossessed, but once again it was in my name so her credit wasn't affected but mine was destroyed. The lesson to learn from this sons is to never only put your name only on any loans or credit cards; at least have your significant other's name on it so you won't be solely responsible. She also forged my name on my dismemberment check ($17,000) and bought herself a Land Rover. That money was supposed to go for an artificial leg for me. She never wanted me to get a leg or get better for she never wanted me to ever come home again for that would ruin her affairs and her sleeping around and her drinking. There is so much I can and will tell you when you are ready. I just pray and hope that you are both being treated well, are safe and happy. Your Dad thinks about you both everyday! I miss and love you both so much. I hope that we can see each other and/or at least talk with one another soon.

3/25/06 I called to speak with you both today, but your mother wouldn't answer the phone. I left a message but no one returned my call. I am so mad and sad at your mother for not letting me talk with you and see you. A day never goes by without me thinking of you both. I know it isn't your fault.

4/8/06 I have been watching Boston Red Sox baseball games lately and I have been thinking of both of you. Do you remember when Daddy used to coach you in both basketball and baseball? I loved coaching you both. I am getting around better now; I am not even using the elevator. I am going up and down stairs now. I wish your mother would let me see you so I could show how much you Dad has improved, but she will never answer the phone or return my messages to you guys. Please remember that your Dad misses you and loves you both so very much. I wish I could hear your voices right now!

4/14/06 It is Good Friday - Easter weekend! Do you remember hunting for eggs and Easter candy? Daddy had a hard time trying to find just the right place to hide all your eggs and candy. It was difficult for Dad to remember every place that he hid all the treats, but sure enough you guys found everything. That was so much fun for all of us. I certainly hope and pray that you have/had a fine Easter. I am constantly thinking of you both Camden and Bowdoin. It is so hard not to be with you during the holidays; moreover it is really difficult not to be with every day or at least talk with you on the phone, but your mother will never return my calls. I don't blame you guys at all. Daddy loves you and thinks of you every day!!!!!!!

4/24/06 I can't believe that your mother will never answer my calls so I can speak with you; moreover I can't believe that I still haven't seen you in this New Year. I haven't seen you since December 10, 2005. Why do I even try? The answer is that I love you both so much and come hell or high water I will never stop trying to a part of your life. I hope that one day you will know that your Dad has never or will never give up in trying to be a part of your lives. Daddy loves and misses you both so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5/14/06 I love you Camden and Bowdoin. I can't believe that I haven't seen you at all in 2006. I have no idea why your mother won't return my calls or let you guys see your Dad. I have not forgotten about you and I never will. The ducks come by everyday to see you Bowdoin and Camden so you can feed them. I still have Christmas presents for you guys to open. I love and miss you so much! I cry just thinking about it and you, because it hurts so much not being able to see you and talk with you. I have no idea why your mother is so mean.

5/21/06 I went swimming today and I wish you could have been with me to play at the pool with all the kids. Jessie and Lisa came over yesterday and fed the ducks; I remember how you both loved to feed the ducks. I am constantly thinking about you both Camden and Bowdoin and Daddy misses you and loves you both. I sent 2 birthday cards to you Bowdoin; I hope you got them. I have called but your mother won't answer the phone or return my messages.

5/27/06 I called today to talk with you but your mother said that she wasn't home so I couldn't speak with you Bowdoin and Camden. I asked to have the house number, but she refused so I can't talk with you. I miss you and love you and worry about you both very much.

5/30/06 I called to wish you a happy birthday Bowdoin but your mother wouldn't answer the phone so I left a message for you. Hope that you got it.

6/9/06 I am supposed to have you and be with you this summer, but your mother refuses to live up to the divorce decree. I miss you and love you both very much! I see the deer and feed them every day. I think of you both and say my prayers every night for both of you.

6/17/06 I have been thinking of you both a lot lately. Bowdoin I doubt very much if you can/will ever remember your Dad. This makes me very sad; I cry when I think about it very much. Camden I think that you can at least remember me, but I doubt that you remember all the fun things that we use to do. I know that your mother does nothing for you to foster a relationship with me. In fact I believe she just talks bad about me in front of you both. For this I am sorry, but rest assured that none of it is true. I love you and miss you both so very much.

6/25/06 I bought a motorcycle and am now riding it. I wish you could see it, and I could give you both a ride. I see the deer everyday and feed them. I wish you could see them Bowdoin because you always love seeing and feeding the deer. I miss you Camden and Bowdoin and I love you both very much. I call you both but your mother never tells you so you can't call me back. For this I am truly sorry.

6/29/06 Camden I hope everything went well in school this past year. Your mother never told me how you were doing or kept me abreast of your progress or accomplishments. I also hope that school went well for you too Bowdoin and once again your mother never informed about your progress or accomplishments. I feel like a stranger! This is what your mother wants. I want to be in your lives and a part of your lives but your mother for some insane reason won't let me. I don't even know what sports you are into. Always remember that your Dad loves and misses you!

7/1/06 I really hope you guys have a safe and fun July 4th weekend. I remember when we lived in our house in Turner Maine we went to the July 4th parade, had cookouts with Sydney and Avery and their families and had sparklers. We also had an outside fire to roast marshmallows and watch the fireworks. We would set up a tent to sleep outside and do some backyard camping. It was so fun! Sydney and Avery always ask about both of you. Your mother stole from Sydney and Avery's parents and sold their stuff in a garage sale and that is why Linda doesn't have any contact with Melody and Aaron who are Sydney and Avery's parents. I could and will tell you more about this later. Your Dad loves and misses you so much Bowdoin and Camden. I call at least once a week, but your mother refuses to let me talk with you. Most often she refuses to answer the phone so I leave a message but your mother never returns the call and I bet that she never tells you that I called and left a message for you. This hurts me so much Camden and Bowdoin. I cry just thinking about it. I know that your mother tells you hurtful things about me and lies to make me look bad in your eyes. These are all lies and I can and will prove it to you some day- hopefully soon.

7/2/06 I saw a father walking today with his son today down the sidewalk telling his son to avoid the puddle and it reminded me of both of you. Your mother has stolen so much from me! Not to say anything about all my possessions, which I could list and will someday, tell you everything and all the items that she stole, but what I am thinking about now is all the time she stole from me. Time from you both, time and experiences of being your Dad. This makes me so sad and very mad. How can she be so mean? Remember that Dad loves you both very much and misses you so much Camden and Bowdoin!

7/12/06 I hope you guys remember Mimi and Papa. They bought numerous Christmas presents over the past couple of years for you both and sent them down to you but your mother refused to let you have them. In fact she sent them back to Mimi and Papa unopened. Aunt Julie and Nicole have sent you both gifts too and once again Linda sent them back unopened so you never were allowed to receive anything from your family (my side of the family). This hurt Mimi and Papa very much as well as Aunt Julie and your cousin Nicole. They all love you and want the best for you! This also hurt me very much. I don't know why your mother is so hurtful. Does your mother ever let you call your grandparents? Mimi and Papa? I know she doesn't let you have any contact with my side of the family. I am so sad and mad about this because it hurts both of you so much. We all love you Camden and Bowdoin so much.

7/20/06 I spoke with and visited Sydney and Avery your friends yesterday. Remember that they were your friends who lived in Maine and Florida. Marissa was Cassidy’s friend and the Taylor’s were my and your mother’s friends. I am still friends with Sydney and Avery’s parents, but your mother is not because she stole from them and sold some of their possessions without their knowledge or permission. This all happened after my car accident. You both stayed with the Taylor’s after my accident because your mother told them that she was too busy visiting me in St. Joseph’s Hospital. This was a lie! She was staying with her boyfriend at the time - a guy named Lonny. She was married to me but having an affair. Sydney and Avery asked all about you, but I couldn’t tell them much because I haven’t been allowed to speak with you since January moreover I haven’t seen you since December of 2005. It was nice for me to see your friends and the Taylor’s. I went swimming with them and they were all very sad that you guys haven’t seen me as I am as well. I love you and miss you very much and I think about you both Bowdoin and Camden everyday; in fact I think about you numerous times every day.

8/8/06 I have called you both numerous times and no one answers the phone so I left messages, but no one returns my calls. I am worried about you guys so much. I know school has started again and I have no idea who your teachers are of if they even know that I exist. I hope your mother has placed my information on your school records. I doubt it; but I do hope that she did. I should receive all your grades and attendance records. I sure hope that I do.

8/23/06 I miss you guys so much and I think about you every day. Remember that your Dad loves you so much! I don't know why your mother won't give me the phone number of where you are living; she is so mean!

9/1/06 I called today to talk with you both and tell you about my surgery that I had today, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you but no one returned my call.

9/2/06 I called today to talk with you my sons but your mother refused to answer the phone. I also called Cassidy's cell phone but once again no answered the phone so I left messages on both cell phones for you but no one returned my call.

9/6/06 Camden and Bowdoin I feel so all alone not being able to talk with you or see you. I want to hear about your days at school and wait for you to get off the bus and play with you and help you study and do your homework. Your mother doesn't tell me anything that is going on in your lives. I never wanted to leave you but your mother couldn't keep her pants on! Not a day goes by without the both of you in my thoughts and prayers. I love and miss you guys so much that it hurts!

9/11/06 This is the fifth anniversary of 9/11; the most severe catastrophe to hit the United States in the history of this country. Your birthday is coming up Camden and I really hope that I get to talk with you Camden on your birthday. Bowdoin I tried to talk with you on your birthday but your mother refused to allow me to speak with you. I love you both so much and I miss you.

9/15/06 I called today at 4:00 p.m. to talk with you Camden and to wish you a happy birthday, but your mother wouldn’t answer the phone. Her boyfriend Kelly answered and I asked him to speak with you but he refused. This makes me so mad. I will try to call again in a couple of days.

9/16/06 I called today at 12:15 p.m. to wish you happy birthday and to see if you got my cards and pictures. Linda refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you and Bowdoin telling you that I missed you and loved you. I have presents for you Camden for your birthday if I ever get to see you I will give them to you. I also have birthday presents for you Bowdoin; I never got to talk with you on your birthday. I don’t know why your mother is so mean!

9/18/06 I called your school today Camden and Bowdoin and I found out your teachers’ names. Mrs. Webber said that you’re doing well Bowdoin in school and you’re in speech therapy and improving. Mrs. Cramer is your teacher Camden and she said that you are doing well. Both teachers are supposed to keep me informed about your grades and attendance record. I told them both that your mother was incarcerated last year for the entire month of November. I miss you both and am so proud of you both. I called again yesterday to wish you a happy birthday Camden, but your mother refused to answer the phone or return my calls. I just found out that you were both in Maine this summer and the Polleys never let us know that you were both in Maine so you couldn’t see me or let alone to talk with me.

9/23/06 I can’t believe that I haven’t seen you at all in 2006. I know you must wonder where I am and what happen to our family. I may have written this before but here it is again. In September of 2003 Linda told me that she had cancer again and needed radiation treatment and would be radioactive and consequently couldn’t be around you while she had treatments. I believed her and asked my parents to come to Florida to watch you while I worked. Mimi and Papa came to Florida to watch you while Daddy worked. While they were there they received numerous phone calls from guys asking if Linda was married. Linda told me that she was staying with someone from the Catholic Church so I called the church and she wasn’t staying with anyone from the church. She eventually called to check on you so I asked her where she was and she said the church so I told her that I knew she was lying. Come to find out she was in a hotel with a guy named Lonny having an affair. When she finally came home she kicked me out of the house for no reason so I had to go to a hotel. A week later I had the car accident. And she didn’t even have cancer. Your mother is nothing but a huge liar. When I married her I thought that she had only been married once, to Alan, Cassidy’s father, but she lied. She was married before that. You guys were told that I was dead.

10/02/06 Her first husband was guy with the last name Puntelello. See 10/2/05 diary entry. I can’t believe that I can’t be with you and help you with your school work and reading. Remember your Dad is a teacher. I wish I could be a part of your lives but your mother is so selfish she won’t keep me informed as to what is going on.

10/03/06 I drove by our old house in Turner Maine today and it brought back many memories how we used to mow the lawn on Daddy’s riding lawn mower and how we used to snowmobile on “copper” around Turner. I missed all the fun we had there.

10/05/06 I have some things to tell you regarding days and weeks after my accident 10/12/03. After my accident I was in Saint Joseph’s Hospital for a couple of weeks. You guys were staying with Melody and Aaron Taylor and supposedly Linda was staying with me at the Hospital. This was not true. Linda was staying in hotels and drinking at bars with her boyfriend, Lonny. She didn’t even check in with you guys for two weeks. I have all the records that back this up. I was in the hospital, Saint Joseph’s, and Linda ordered the doctors to take me off life support hoping that I would die. I surprised everyone by living. I was in a comma and once I awoke a doctor was on his knees crossing himself thanking God for helping him save my life. Linda came in and yelled at the doctor saying all kinds of hurtful things to the doctor like “look what you have done to his children – giving them a father like that – without a leg”. The doctor told Linda that at least the boys now get the chance to know their father and be with him. The doctor didn’t know that Linda was having affairs and no intention of being with me or keeping our family together.

10/17/06 This is Cassidy’s birthday and I didn’t know if you knew this or not but Cassidy was supposed to be born in jail for Linda was in jail while pregnant but her parents, meme and pepe, got her out of jail to have the baby under house arrest. It is almost Halloween and I haven’t been able to be with you to celebrate Halloween ever Bowdoin and Camden you probably can’t even remember when we celebrated Halloween together. This makes me very sad.

10/30/06 I called to see what you dressed up for Halloween as but no one answered the phone so I couldn’t talk with either one of you to talk to you about Halloween. I have so much to tell you and I miss you very much and I love you both so much.

10/31/06 I called again at 2:30 p.m. to talk with you about Halloween but no one answered so I left a message but no one returned my call.

11/8/06 I received a copy of your first quarter report card from first grade today Camden and you are doing so well in everything. Way to go Camden. I am so proud of you. I haven’t received your first quarter report card yet Bowdoin but hopefully it will arrive soon or I will call your teacher again.

11/14/06 I finally received your report card today Bowdoin and you are doing great. I am so proud of you Bowdoin-way to go. I talked with your school today to let them know that I want pictures of both of you.

11/23/06 Happy Thanksgiving Bowdoin and Camden. I haven’t been with you for Thanksgiving since 2004 when you guys had Thanksgiving with me when I lived with my department head. I tried to have you last year when your mother was in jail but her boyfriend at the time, Kelly, (now her husband) wouldn’t answer the phone and Cassidy wouldn’t put him on the phone so I could have you or at least talk with you. This holiday should be at least better for you for your mother isn’t in jail this Thanksgiving. I am thinking of you both and I love you and miss you guys so much. I am thankful that you are alive.

11/27/06 I called to talk with guys today at 1:40 p.m. to see how your Thanksgiving was but no one answered the phone. I left a message for you which you will probably never get to hear. I will never give up trying to be part of your lives, Camden and Bowdoin.

12/7/06 I walked to the pond today and fed 16 ducks and this made me think
of you guys and how much you liked to feed the ducks. We use to feed the ducks together and chase them around. I hope you guys can remember that.
I mailed you Christmas presents today Camden and Bowdoin. It will be a year tomorrow since the last time we saw each other. I took you guys fishing and Bowdoin caught a huge bass and I have the picture of you both with the fish which is the last picture that I have of you guys. I have asked your mother on numerous occasions to send me recent pictures and school pictures of you both, but she just ignores these requests. I am constantly thinking of you both and missing you tremendously!

12/22/06 Bowdoin I am thinking of you a lot lately; I am feeding the deer and the deer are so tame that they come right up to you and you used to love seeing the deer. You got so excited when the deer came and you got to see them. I really hope that you can remember that. I am also feeding the ducks and there are lots of ducks usually more that 40 everyday. Camden you liked feeding the ducks. You did to Bowdoin. I haven’t been allowed to see you guys for over a year. I try to arrange to see you but your mother refuses. Merry Christmas and God bless you Camden and Bowdoin! I think of you both everyday and I miss you and love you every day. I hope that you received the presents that I sent you for Christmas. The gifts included numerous DVDs and two watches.

12/24/06 Merry Christmas Bowdoin and Camden. I miss you guys so much. I was supposed to be with you over Christmas, but your mother refuses to let me see you. Aunt Julie, Uncle Mike and your cousin Nicole was here and they had gifts for you both as did Mimi and Papa. I too have presents for you. I just wish you were to celebrate with me. I am so sad that I am now crying because I am not with you. I hope that you think of me and remember me with warm thoughts in your mind and your heart. I miss you decorating the tree and opening your presents with me. I told your mother that I wanted to have you over Christmas break; she ignored me and refused.

1/4/07 I called and was allowed to speak with you both for a few minutes. I asked you about Christmas and wished you both a happy new year. You guys didn’t thank me for your Christmas presents from me; I hope that you liked them. I told you both that I loved a missed you both very much. I also told you that I had talked with your teachers Ms. Weber and Ms. Kramer and you are both doing so well.

1/6/07 When I talked with you a couple of days ago I heard you in the background Camden saying it was James on the phone. This hurt Camden because I am your Dad. You probably call Kelly McCabe “Daddy and Dad” now. This hurts me so much, because your actions influence Bowdoin.

1/25/07 I received your report cards today and you are both doing extremely well. I am so proud of you both. Camden your teacher said that you need to work on writing clearer and not so messy. Take your time and write better. Do you practice? If you were with me I would practice with you every day. Remember your Dad is a teacher. Bowdoin, Mrs. Webber said you are doing great. I am happy to see that you are both doing so well in school. I miss you and love you both very much.

2/10/07 Daddy has to once again have surgery; this will make 22 surgeries since my accident October 12, 2003. This time I have to have my bladder operated on because I have bladder stones. I also have kidney stones. The doctor said the reason that I have stones is because I was placed in a nursing home after my surgery and that I didn’t get my leg after my accident. The doctor blames your mother for this. This inactivity caused stones to be created. I am thinking of you both so much. I hope that the surgery will go ok. I miss you both and love you so much!

2/14/07 I had surgery today through my penis to remove one bladder stone. The doctor had to use a laser to blast the stone. I will have a catheter for three days.

2/17/07 I bled some with the catheter in and it hurt like hell removing it today. Papa and Mimi have helped me so much. We all miss you and love both so much. I know that your mother never lets you know when I call you or send you things. For now on I will buy you both 2 cards for your birthdays so you can at least one day see them and know that your Dad thinks of you all the time.
Your Dad will start a new job teaching High School English at Gorham High School on Monday February 26. Wish me luck.

2/18/07 I forgot to tell you in my last entry that I will have to have another surgery in June to remove more bladder stones, because the doctor couldn’t get them all through the penis so he will have to cut me open in June to remove the other four stones. That will make 23 surgeries.

3/2/07 I received a progress report from your teacher today Bowdoin and it says that you are performing above grade level and are doing well beginning to learn how to read. I received this from your kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Weber. Bowdoin I am so proud of you and am so happy to hear this news. I look forward to hearing about you Camden soon. I think of your both and miss you both every day. It is really snowing out today and if you were here we could play in the snow. Make a snowman, have snowball fights, build snow forts and go snowmobiling. I smile just thinking about this. You probably don’t remember that we used to play in the snow when we all lived together in Turner, Maine. Camden and Bowdoin Daddy loves you very much.

3/31/07 I have been thinking of you guys so much lately. Do you know what tomorrow is? It is opening day for fishing season and this makes me think so much of both of you. I used to take you both fishing and I taught you both how to fish. We used to have so much fun together when we went fishing and we always caught fish. I used to take you fishing in Florida and in Maine. I wish that your mother would let me see you and go fishing with you. We use to have so much fun. I hope that you get to go fishing and I hope that you both remember me and think of me. Remember that your Dad always loves you and misses you Camden and Bowdoin!

4/08/07 I have been thinking of you both so much lately. I hope you had a great Easter. I remember so much hiding your eggs and Easter candy and helping you find them. It was so much fun for all of us. I miss that so much. I hope that you went to church. I received your third quarter report cards and I am so proud of you Camden and Bowdoin. You are both doing so well in school. I call you both once a week but your mother refuses to let me talk with you or just refuses to answer the phone. This makes me so mad. Remember that your Dad will never give up and I love you so much. I haven’t seen you guys in over a year. I have tried to arrange time to see you but your mother refuses. I don’t know why she is so mean.

4/20/07 DHHS contacted me today about child support. I don’t mind at all paying child support, but I would like to the ability to talk with you and see you! I don’t know why your mother won’t let me talk with you or see you. This is so frustrating.

4/29/07 I am thinking of you Camden and Bowdoin constantly. I am in therapy now and I am beginning to walk so much better. I can’t wait to show you. I am a long-term substitute teacher at Gorham High School and your picture is on my desk. The students say that you both look a lot like me. I am so proud of you both. I miss and love you guys so much.

5/17/07 I just found out today that your mother was charged once again with a speeding violation and has to attend once again a traffic school. She was charged $85.00 again for her second speeding violation. I hope that she doesn’t drive crazy with both of you in the car. I am worried about you both and I am constantly thinking of you both and missing you Camden and Bowdoin.

5/30/07 I called you today to wish you a happy birthday Bowdoin and to see if you got my card and present. I hope you did and I hope that you liked it. I bet that your mother didn’t even tell you that I called and I also bet that she didn’t even give you my card or present. I also bet that she lied and told you that your father even didn’t call to talk with you on your birthday. All lies Bowdoin. I hope that you had a great birthday and remember that I am constantly thinking of you and your brother. I love you both and miss you so much. I went fishing last weekend and caught a salmon and I was thinking of both you so much wishing that you were with me.

6/16/07 I just had my twenty-third surgery Camden and Bowdoin and I have been thinking of you so much hoping that I would survive and be able to talk with you. I still remember after the car accident when you guys were brought to see me in the nursing home by your babysitters and you said Camden “I told you Bowdoin that Daddy isn’t dead.” That meant so much to me Camden. I survived this latest surgery. This one was on my bladder in which I had large bladder stones removed. I was in the hospital for a week and I tried to call you to let you know but your mother never answered the phone, so I left a message for you explaining this and saying that I wanted and needed to speak with you, but your mother never returned my call.

6/30/07 Mimi called you today to say hello and to talk with you, but your mother refused to let you guys talk with your grandmother. I don’t know why she is so hurtful. Mimi and Papa think of you guys a lot and miss and love you. I wish that you guys were allowed to talk with Mimi and Papa. I miss you and love you Camden and Bowdoin. I have quite a few animals that you both would enjoy feeding and seeing: deer, chipmunks (which I have named), ducks, and fish.

8/9/07 I really hope that you both had a great 4th of July! I miss you both so much. I have called a few times to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin, but your mother refuses to answer the phone or if she does she tells me that you guys aren’t there! This makes me so mad! I have found out that she is sometimes using her old name (Linda Holbrook) because companies are trying to find her because she owes them money. Capital One credit is now after her. I have been trying to get in touch with Deltona Elementary School to find out who your teachers are going to be for this year, but as of yet I haven’t found out. I have really been thinking of you both my sons. Daddy knows a big day is coming next month…….Somebody’s birthday. Now whose birthday is it? I know Camden James Richardson is going to be a snowman. A Snowman? You say Camden; a snowman when you draw it resembles the number 8 and you are going to be 8 years old. I wish I could be with you and see you, but your mother refuses to let me a part of your life. I will never forget or give up on being with you Camden and Bowdoin.

8/30/07 I called your cousin, Nicki, today to find out how her first day of school was. I tried to call you to find out about your first day of school Camden and Bowdoin but your mother refused to answer her cell phone. She would not return my call to my message I left. I am so frustrated! I called your school and found out your teacher’s names. Bowdoin’s teacher, Mrs. Krotje and Camden’s teacher, Ms. Karczewski have both e-mailed me so I will keep abreast of your progress. I so wanted to hear your voices to discover what you guys thought about 1st and 2nd grade and your teachers. Maybe someday your mother will let your father be a part of your lives.

9/10/07 I sent your birthday card and present today Camden. I really hope that you get it. I also sent you a note and a present Bowdoin. I will again try to call you both and talk with you, if your mother ever answers her cell phone and actually lets me talk with you. Time will tell. This hurts me so much my sons.

9/14/07 Camden and Bowdoin I don’t know when you will ever read this but you guys used to love seeing all the animals at Mimi and Papa’s house – the Deer and the ducks. Bowdoin you used to really love the deer. I hope you guys can remember. Well now there are flocks of Turkeys. There were just over 30 turkeys eating right next to me. You guys would get such a kick out seeing this and feeding the turkeys. I went fishing last week and caught some brook trout and salmon. I used to take you guys fishing all the time. I hope that you remember that.

9/17/07 Happy Birthday Camden James!!!! I called you today, but your mother refused to answer her cell phone and since she won’t give me the house phone, I can’t call there. I tried and tried to talk with you. This hurts me so much Camden. I am crying writing this………… I want you to know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Happy 8th birthday Camden, love Daddy.

10/14/07 I have called you guys a few times to talk with you and to find out how you are and to learn about what is going on in your lives, but Linda refuses to answer the phone. How is school going? Are you playing any sports? I miss you and love you so much.

10/31/07 Happy Halloween Bowdoin and Camden!!!!!! What are you dressing up as? Remember when I use to dress up with you and go trick or treating? You probably can’t but I wish that you could remember. I love and miss you both very much.

11/17/07 I finally received your report cards from Deltona Elementary School today and I am so proud of both my sons. Way to go Camden and Bowdoin; you have made your Dad so proud!!!!! I just wished that you knew that I would/will help you anyway that I can. Remember that I am a teacher as well as your father. I also received your first grade pictures Bowdoin and your second grade pictures Camden. Boy do I have two very handsome sons. I just wish that your mother had sent me your kindergarten picture Bowdoin and your kindergarten and first grade pictures Camden. I guess it isn’t enough for her to keep us apart but she doesn’t want me to know anything about you. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Remember a couple of years ago when you were both with me for Thanksgiving because your mother was in jail. We had so much fun. I smile every time that I think of it. I hope that you both are healthy and happy and remember that your Dad thinks of you daily and misses and loves you both so much.

11/18/07 Yesterday was Papa’s birthday. It wouldn’t have killed your mother to have you guys call him to wish him a happy birthday. Him and Mimi love you and miss you both so much. Remember the deer and the 4 wheelers and snowmobiles you use to ride at their house? Tomorrow is my birthday and I haven’t talked with you guys on my birthday in 5 years. Why won’t your mother have you guys call me? I don’t expect you guys to know that my birthday is November 19; I don’t blame you Bowdoin and Camden. Linda or Cassidy certainly could have told you and called me for you.

11/20/07 Yesterday was my birthday and I spent the entire day thinking of you Camden and Bowdoin! I just wish that I could have talked with you. That would have been the best present.

11/23/07 Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I thought about you both all day and everybody that was here also thought about you. Mimi said grace and Thanked God that you two were alive and wished that you two could be a part of our lives. It brought tears to my eyes. I called you both today but your mother refuses to answer her cell phone when I call; moreover she refuses to give me your home phone number which is illegal because it goes against the Judge’s order and the divorce decree. I can and will show you this whenever I get to see you. I give thanks everyday that you two are my sons, Love and Prayers, your farther – Daddy.

11/26/07 I am thinking about you a lot this time year with it being the holiday season. I wish I could be with you to experience the holidays together. Watching the Christmas specials on TV and singing Christmas carols and going to Church to pray to our savior Jesus Christ for that is what Christmas is all about. I can’t believe Linda won’t let us at least talk with each other. I love you and miss you Bowdoin and Camden and you are both in my prayers every day.

12/1/07 Camden and Bowdoin I can’t believe that your mother has stolen everything from me! I am not even talking about material things; that list is too long to write down, but if you are interested some day, I think that you will be shocked to learn about everything. What I am talking about is my relationship with you both. I hope you can remember all the things that we used to do together and all that I used to do with/for you. I used to coach you both in baseball and basketball and I taught you both how to ride your first bikes. I used to be the one who bathed you both and we used to go fishing at least twice a week all year round. We also used to go shopping, because your mother hated to go shopping with you, but we always had so much fun shopping. We made a game out of it. I hope you can remember. It is the season for Christmas Shopping and I am sad because we can’t go shopping together to play our shopping games. It has almost been 2 years since we last saw each other; and this time a year was so special for us because we always did all the decorating around the house, making it feel like the holiday season. We use to make paper Christmas decorations (chains, sockets, snowmen and Santa’s) and we used to sing Christmas carols. I hope that you can remember this. I try to call you both all the time, but Linda refuses to answer her cell phone and I bet she doesn’t even allow you guys to listen to my messages. I also bet that she lies about me constantly and bad mouths me in front of you guys. All lies Camden and Bowdoin. I love you and miss you both terribly. I just wish that we could see each other or at least talk with each other. I don’t know why she is so hateful and mean. I never did anything bad to her. She is the one who broke up our family!

12/15/07 I went X-Mass shopping for you guys today and I got you some things that I sent out today. I hope that your mother will let you have them. I hope she doesn’t sent the gifts back like she did before. I send you both brief notes and notices of your savings bonds that I got you. I just wish that you both could read. I know it’s close; you will be both reading soon so maybe you can get the mail and read it before your mother sees it and throws it away – not letting you know that your father writes to you and calls you often. I don’t know or understand why she is so mean. She is only hurting you my sons. It has been 2 years since we last saw each other. I try all the time to arrange times when we could see each other, but your mother either ignores me or refuses. Camden and Bowdoin please know that your Dad will never give up trying to be a part of your life. It does hurt me so much that she doesn’t follow the law and let me be a part of your life. I have taken her back to court 2 times and all the court has done is to slap her on the wrist and it has cost well over $5000.00 both times and I just don’t have that kind of money to waste. I know that she lies to you both about me and bad mouths me in front of you. I know she has worked hard to turn you against your own father. I know this because she did the same thing to Cassidy about her father, Alan. God bless you Bowdoin and Camden and please remember that your Dad misses and loves you terribly.

12/23/07 I called using a calling card today to speak with you, but your mother refused to let me speak with you guys unless I gave her a phone number which she already has for it showed up on her caller ID so she called back and refused to let me speak with you. Mimi got on the phone and said hi to both of you. This hurts Mimi and Papa so much. It is killing them seeing how bad this is hurting me. So I can’t let her kill your grandparents, my parents. They have been there for me every day since the accident and since I lost my leg and I won’t let Linda hurt my parents who are really getting old. She complained about how I haven’t been paying child support for you – how quickly she forgets the $50, 0000.00 she stole from me. I really pray that you have a great Christmas and remember that your Dad loves you and is there for you. I wish I could know what sports and clubs that you are involved in, but your mother refuses to let me know. She refuses to send me pictures of my sons. How mean can anyone be?

12/29/07 I really hope that you both had a great Christmas and remember that your Dad is thinking about you and missing you constantly. I have some news to tell you. I bought you a new kitten which I was to have you guys name but your mother refuses to let me speak with you, so I named it Sebec. She is a great kitten, 12 weeks old and very playful. I hope that you both can see it and play with it soon. I sent your mother a letter with my address and phone number on it as she demanded even though she already knew my address and phone number. Supposedly she will now set up a schedule so we can talk with each other every week. She has said this before so I am not holding my breath. Hopefully she with live up to this promise.

1/1/08 Happy New Year Camden and Bowdoin! I really hope that this year will bring us closer together.

1/15/08 I called today to talk with you but Linda refused unless I sent her a letter with my address and phone number on it. She already has my address and phone number. I argued with her but she would not allow me to speak with you, so I sent her a letter with my address and phone number on it. She promised that if I did that she would set up a schedule so I could talk with you every week. I am still waiting for that schedule and to talk with you.

1/21/08 I called to talk with you Bowdoin and Camden, but your mother refuses to answer the phone when I call. I knew that you didn’t have school today, being Martin Luther King day, so I wanted to talk with you both and to let you know Bowdoin that I talk with your teacher and principal a couple of days ago and everything is going to well with speech therapy that your teacher believes that you will no longer need an I.E.P. I am so proud of you Bowdoin. Camden you are doing great in school and I wish that I could talk with to tell you that I am proud of you and to let you know everything that Mrs. Karczewski told me about you on the phone. This makes me so sad that I can’t even talk with my sons let alone see you. I don’t know why your mother is so hateful towards me. I never did anything wrong or bad towards her. Unlike Linda, I never stole thousands of dollars or all her personal possessions from her like she did from me. I never cheated on her with other people like she did to me. You will understand this when you get older.

1/27/08 I wanted to talk with you today and tell you that I am nervous, for I start a new job tomorrow as a long-term history social studies teacher. It is ok if you guys get nervous especially when you are about to do something unfamiliar and new to you. I guess I wanted you to know that I am constantly thinking of you and that I want to be part of your life. I am here for you and I am sad and mad that your mother refuses to let me part of your life. I hope and know deep in my heart that you guys want to be a part of my life too. I know that Linda tells you nothing but lies about me. Like “Your father never calls” and “your father or James doesn’t do anything for you”. All lies Camden and Bowdoin.

2/3/08 Today is the Super Bowl and I am thinking of you both so much today – wishing that I could see the game with you so we could cheer on our New England Patriots together. I wish that I could call you and talk with you, but your mother refuses to let your Dad be a part of your lives. Why is she so mean?

2/10/08 Bowdoin I received your report card and I am so proud of you!!!! You are certainly mastering first grade. I called to congratulate you and tell you about the present that I bought you but your mother refused to answer the phone, so I left a message which you will never get. Camden I haven’t received your report card yet so I e-mailed your teacher so I think it should be coming soon. I am sure that you are doing well but I can’t wait see it. I love you both and miss you both so much.

2/16/08 I am really mad today Camden and Bowdoin!!! I tried to call you and talk with you, but your mother has had the number disconnected. I also tried Cassidy’s cell phone and that number has been disconnected as well. I don’t have a land-line number for you because Linda refuses to give it to me.

2/20/08 Camden I finally received your report card today. I am so proud of you – honor roll. All A’s and one B. You only went down in reading. I know you can bring it back up. I just wish that I could talk with you and Bowdoin to tell you how proud I am of you. You two mean the world to me. I just pray that your mother will develop a conscience and a heart and do the right thing and let me be a part of your lives. I don’t even care that she stole everything from me – all my personal possessions and my leg. What I care about is that she stole you from me.

2/26/08 Camden and Bowdoin: I went to court today and I agreed to pay child support of $370.00/month. I prepaid child support of over $30,000.00 at the time of the divorce and I am sure that you never received a penny of that money, for your mother spent it on a vehicle (Land Rover), her breasts (augmentation), and having many of her scars removed. I also bet that she told you that I don’t pay child support. A blatant lie. In fact my lawyer argued that I could fight paying child support for I had previously paid such an exorbitant amount, but I disagreed with my lawyer for I want you both to have everything that I can possibly give you. The sad part is that I can’t ensure that you will ever see anything from this money because it goes to Linda and I can’t make her spend it on you.

3/4/08 Bowdoin I received your first semester report card today and you are doing great. I am so proud of you and your brother. Your Daddy loves you and Camden so much. I wish that your mother would let me talk with you and see you both.

4/10/08 I paid my second child support payment today of $370.00/month. I paid $370.00 last month, but I bet that you didn’t see a dime of that money; moreover I bet that you won’t see anything from this money either. It is too bad that your mother won’t let me talk or see you both. I am constantly thinking about you both Camden and Bowdoin. I love you and miss you both so much that hurts!!!!

4/21/08 I received your third quarter report card today Bowdoin and you are doing so great. You improved in everything. I still haven’t received your report card Camden; I can’t wait to get it. I wish that I could talk with both you of you to let you know that your Dad is constantly thinking about you and missing you both so much, but your mother refuses to let me talk to you. I love you and miss you Camden and Bowdoin.

4/26/08 I went fishing today at Thompson Lake with Glenn and Paul and I caught 2 Salmon. One was 22 inches long and the other was 18 inches. I caught them on a streamer fly. I was only the only one who caught fish and I was the only fishing fly’s. The other two guys were fishing live bait – smelts. I was thinking of you both the entire time remembering how we used to go fishing all the time and wishing that I could be with you to teach you how to fly fish. You would have had a great time and I wish that you two were with me.

5/06/08 Camden, I finally received your third quarter report card today and I also received your progress report and Bowdoin’s progress report for the fourth quarter. You are both doing well, but you both need to work on your hand writing neatness. I just wish that I could be with you to help you both work on this. I am sure that your mother doesn’t work with you on this. Remember that your Dad is a teacher and knows how to help you work on these things, but your mother refuses to let me talk with you or help you on this. She does this because she wants to hurt me, but she is only hurting you both. Your grades are good Camden and your Dad is so proud of you both. I miss you and love you Camden and Bowdoin.

5/11/08 Bowdoin and Camden Daddy went fishing today at Moose Pond and I caught 6 salmon. Two were huge 25 and 24 inches. The other 4 were nice to. I thought of you both all day today wishing that you were with me. You guys would have had so much fun catching fish with your Dad. I can’t believe that your mother won’t let you see me and be with me. I pay $370.00/month child support but I bet that you guys don’t see a penny of that money. I also bet that she tells you that I don’t give any money for you. All lies. You will discover this soon. You are both constantly in my thoughts and my prayers. Love, Daddy.

5/15/08 I paid my third child support payment today - $370.00 with instructions for your mother to get you anything that you want for your birthday Bowdoin and to tell you that this is from Daddy. I bet that she didn’t get you a thing from me and I bet that you and Camden never see a dime of that money that I send to every month. This irritates the hell out of me!

5/28/08 Daddy bought a boat a couple of days ago – a 14 foot 1971 Starcraft Falcon with a 1988 20horse Evenrude. I named the boat after you and my cat Sebec/Bowdoin/Camden. I hope that I can see you soon and take you both out on it so we can go fishing and swimming. I am thinking of you both constantly, Love Daddy.

5/30/08 Happy Birthday Bowdoin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Seventh birthday! I called you today at 3:30 to wish you a happy birthday and to talk with you but Linda refused to answer the phone when I called. I am sure that she told you and continues to tell you that I didn’t call and/or that I don’t care about you and Camden. These are nothing but utter lies. This hurts me so much Bowdoin and Camden. I sincerely hope that you had a great day and in your heart of hearts that you know that your Dad is constantly thinking of you, missing you and loving you.

6/15/08 I was hoping that you would call today to wish me a happy father’s day and to talk with your Dad, but you didn’t. I don’t blame you; your mother should have had you call me today, but she didn’t. I shouldn’t be surprised. I received your final report card yesterday and I wanted to congratulate you and talk with you about it. You both did so well in first and second grades. Your father is so proud of you Camden and Bowdoin. Daddy bought a boat and I wanted to talk with you about it and about going fishing. It is a nice boat and we can go fishing and swimming from it safely. I love you and miss you both so much.

7/12/08 Bowdoin and Camden Daddy has so much to tell you. I got your last report card for your first and second grades and you guys did so well. I am very proud of you both. I sold my motorcycle a couple of days ago. This made me sad because I wanted you both to see it and go for a ride on it with me. I sent you a picture of it and I hope that you got to see it. I wish you go out on my boat with me fishing. Please remember that I am constantly thinking of you both and wishing that I could be a part of your lives but your mother refuses. I pay so much money in child support and she still won’t let me see you or talk with you which is against the law.

7/30/08 I can’t believe that you came to see me today Bowdoin and Camden!! I wish that I had known you were here in Maine – I can’t believe that you had been here in Maine for 2 weeks. If I had known I would have taking you fishing with me. We could have done so many things – fun things. We could have gone fishing on my boat.

7/31/08 I wish that your mother had told me that you were both in Maine and have been here for 2 weeks!, so I could have spent some time with you. We could have spent some quality time together. You are leaving Maine in a couple of hours. I haven’t seen you since December 8, 2005!!!!! Why couldn’t your mother had called me to let me know that you were both in Maine????? I miss you and love you both so much.

8/2/08 I am so irate at your mother for not telling me that you were in Maine and for not telling me anything about both of you. I didn’t know that you broke your arm last year Camden or that you have been playing football. I would like to talk to you about it and come see a few games. Bowdoin did you know that your Daddy too took Karate lessons; I would have like to have known so I could talk with you about it. Why is your mother so mean and hurtful towards me? I have never done anything to hurt her. She can’t obviously say the same thing in regards to me.

8/16/08 Camden and Bowdoin I wish that you two would occasionally call me to talk with me, for I miss you both so much!!!! I call Linda’s cell phone but she screens the call and refuses to answer the phone, so I leave messages that I bet you never get to hear. Why don’t you return my calls? I think I know it is because your mother never tells you that your Dad calls. Why is she such a bitch?

9/1/08 Camden and Bowdoin Daddy went fishing in Rangeley this weekend and I caught brook trout and Salmon. Do you remember that I took you to Rangeley before we moved to Florida and the fish that we all caught in those ponds that we fished. I have pictures of us fishing there. I learned who your teachers are this year. Bowdoin you have Camden’s teacher from last year Ms. Karczewski and Camden you have Mrs. Pinkava. I have emailed both of them and I will be in contact with both of them to find out what is going on, because your mother refuses to let me know anything about your school happenings or anything about you. I love and miss you both so much.

9/17/08 Camden I have thinking about you all day!!!! It’s your birthday. I went fishing today and I thought of you because we always used to go fishing together and we had so much fun. I hope you can remember. I caught 5 bass today. I wanted to catch 9 to match your birthday………I called you today and your mother answered the phone and I wished you a happy birthday. You were at the Boston Red Sox game at Tropicana Field. Do you remember the time that I brought you to Fenway Park to see the Red Sox? Probably not ……You were so young. You could barely hear me on the phone because of all the noise at the game. Too bad the red sox lost, but maybe you are a rays fan now…. I ask to speak with Bowdoin, but your mother refused.

10/3/08 I want you Camden and Bowdoin to know that my wages at Hannaford have been garnished $87.50/week for child support which equates to $370.00/month. I bet that you guys don’t see a dime of that money and I also bet that she tells you that I don’t pay anything for child support. All lies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish she would have you guys call me.

10/31/08 Happy Halloween Bowdoin and Camden. I wish I could see you and be with you for Halloween. I would dress up in a costume and go trick or treating with you. We used to go trick or treating together Camden. I never had the chance to go with you Bowdoin because you were too young and then my accident happened and your mother wouldn’t let me have you guys for the Halloween holiday. I hope you realize that I am thinking of you both and missing you both. Your Dad loves you so much.

11/02/08 Camden I got your 3rd grade first quarter report card today and I am very proud of you. All As and one B for reading. I wish I was with you to work on your reading with you. We could read all kinds of books together.

11/10/08 Camden and Bowdoin I received your pictures today and your grades for the first quarter Bowdoin. I was shocked to see that you had a cast on your arm Camden. Daddy had no idea that you were hurt and had a broken right arm. I called your mother, but she refused to let me speak with you Camden.

11/20/08 I am so sad today Bowdoin and Camden. Yesterday was my birthday and I was hoping to receive a birthday card and/or a telephone call from you, but I didn’t receive anything. This makes 6 straight years that I haven’t talked with you guys or even received a card from you. I don’t blame you, but I do blame your mother. She could have at least had you call your Dad on his birthday, but she didn’t. Why is she so mean????

11/27/08 Happy Thanksgiving Camden and Bowdoin. I really miss you guys so much. I am so thankful that you are my sons. I haven’t been with you on Thanksgiving since 2004 when we were together at my friend’s Jill’s house. I tried to have you in 2005 when your mother was in jail, but her boyfriend, now her husband Kelly McCabe refused to let me have you. I am so proud of you both. Your both doing well in school. I wish I could have some pictures of you playing sports - football and karate. I don’t know why your mother won’t send me any pictures of you. Why? Why? Why? I wish I could at least have your e-mail address so I could at least communicate with you.

12/6/08 I sent you guys a Christmas card today and a present; I got you both savings bonds and I asked you to send me your e-mail address so I could write you and send you pictures. I bet you won’t even see it. I love you and miss you both so much.

12//20/08 I called you both today Camden and Bowdoin to wish you a Merry Christmas and to see whether or not you received my Christmas card and presents, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left you a message, but your mother didn’t have you guys call me back. I miss you and love you both so much. It makes me so sad that I can’t see you and talk with you. I give your mother $87.50/week for child support, but she refuses to let me be a part of your lives.

12/23/08 I called again today to talk with you and I was allowed to speak with you both and this made me so happy. I told you both that I am very proud of you and your accomplishments in school. Camden you told me that you played fullback and that football season just ended and you are going to play baseball when baseball season starts. It was nice to talk with you too Bowdoin and you were happy to talk with your Dad.

12/27/08 I am thinking about you both so much this time of year. I can’t believe another Christmas has come and gone and I am not allowed to be with you. It has now been 3 years since I have been with you for a Christmas celebration. I am sure you can’t even remember decorating my tree and receiving your gifts with me in 2005. This makes me so sad. I hope you have a great New Year and I sincerely wish that 2009 will bring changes!!!!! In your mother so we can spend more time together.

1/2/09 Happy New Year Camden and Bowdoin. I hope I get to see you, talk with you and be with you this year.

1/14/09 Guess who I spend time with today?: Sydney and
Avery Taylor. I hope you remember who they are. You both use to spend tons of time together with them both in Maine and Florida. I think that I have written about them before in this diary. See entries dated 7/1/06 and 7/20/06 to refresh your memory. They are doing great. It made me feel great to be with them. I helped Sydney do her math homework and this made me really think of both of you. I wish I could be with you to help you with your homework and be a part of your life. Knowing that your mother refuses to let me be a part of your life hurts me so much. Avery and Sydney still call me uncle James and this makes me feel good. If I could see you here in Maine I would take you so you could visit with them.
1/16/09 Camden and Bowdoin Daddy is very sad today. I have been thinking a lot about you both and how much I have missed and continue to miss in your lives. I don’t even know your friends – who they are and what they are like? What you like to do with them? I get reports from your school so I know that you are doing well academically, but I have no idea about your athletic endeavors; moreover I could have helped you practice for your sporting events. This makes me so sad because before my accident I used to coach you both in baseball and basketball. I hope that you can remember that. I could have helped you with your school work/homework and in the future I could have helped you with girls. I will end up missing everything. I wish that your mother would let you call me and ask anything that you want or call me just to talk, but she won’t and she often never answers the phone when I call or lets you guys return my calls.

1/28/09 Camden I got your second quarter report card today. I still haven’t received your report card Bowdoin. Camden Daddy is so proud of you – All As and Bs! I just wish that I could be with you to tell you and show you how proud I am of you. You went down 1 point in spelling and 4 points in Science but you went up 1point in reading and 2 points in math and 1 point in writing. I like to write and I am in the process of writing a book that I will definitely let you read. I love you and miss you both so very much.

2/12/09 Hey guys I am thinking of you both a lot lately. Bowdoin you really got short changed in getting to know me for my accident happened when you were only two years old. At least Camden can remember his real Dad, but I am not convinced that you can even remember me Bowdoin. This makes me so sad. I hope and pray every day that you both know that your Dad loves you and misses you both and not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.

2/23/09 Hi boys I am really worried about you. I just learned that your mother filed charges against Kelly for domestic violence that you both witnessed. He hits her. I hope you realize that this is wrong; it is never right to hit a girl. I hope that he isn’t hitting you.

2/25/09 Camden and Bowdoin I found out yesterday that Linda’s husband, Kelly McCabe, has been charged with domestic violence. I am so worried about you both. I contacted both of your teachers today Ms Karczewski and Ms Pinkava, to let them know what is going on. Since no one informs me as to what is going on, I let your school know what is happening so they can keep an eye on you both to insure that you are both all right.

3/5/09 Bowdoin and Camden I learned today that one of your half – sisters, Cassidy Holbrook, is following in her mother’s footsteps. She now has a criminal record for shop lifting. This occurred yesterday at Wal-Mart. She also has traffic violations for not having her vehicle registered. I hope all is well with you both and Daddy is constantly thinking of you, missing you, and loving you both.

4/7/09 Bowdoin and Camden Daddy called you today on your spring vacation from school to talk with you and to see how you are, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left you a message that I bet you never get to hear. I wanted to ask you if you are ok and to make sure that Kelly McCabe isn’t hurting you. I know that he had to go to court for domestic violence charges for he hit your mom. I hope he hasn’t been hitting you. I know that Cassidy had to go to court for stealing from Wal-Mart. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I am sure that she learned that behavior from her mother. I am getting ready for fishing season and I wish that you were both with me so I could take you fishing on my boat so we could catch salmon and trout together.

4/12/09 Happy Easter Camden and Bowdoin. Daddy is thinking of you both today and I wish that you were with me so we could celebrate Easter together.

4/13/09 I called today you both today at 5:40 p.m. to talk with you about fishing but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left you a message telling you that I loved and missed you both so much and I wished that you were with me so I could take you fishing tomorrow.

4/28/09 I got your third quarter report cards today and you both did well but your grades went down Bowdoin and I can’t think that it is because of all the things that you witnessed this quarter – the domestic violence and all the legal problems that Cassidy has gone through has created so much tension in your living conditions. This really worries me Bowdoin and Camden. I wish that you were both with me so you could focus on school and what is important to you rather than what you have had to deal with in terms of Kelly and Cassidy.

5/18/09 Camden and Bowdoin I pay $370.00/month in child support to the State of Florida which in turn gives that money to your mother which she is supposed to use on you. Your Daddy does this so you can get whatever it is that you might need, clothes, healthcare needs and even toys. I bet that your mother tells you that your Dad doesn’t pay child support. This nothing but a bold face lie! She used to do the same thing to Cassidy about her father, Alan Holbrook. That is not all Camden and Bowdoin, I have arranged for you to get monthly Social Security checks for $742.00/month which once again your mother is supposed to spend on you. I am willing to bet that neither one of you see a penny of all this money that your Dad is getting you. If you were with me and living with me I would set up bank accounts in your names and you could get the money anytime that you wanted it.

5/23/09 Camden and Bowdoin I called the Hernando Sheriff Department today and I spoke with Deputy Lamia and I told him that I had no idea where you guys were for I saw on the computer that Linda had been evicted from where she was living but I had no idea that she wasn’t living at the 9280 Eldridge road address with Kelly McCabe. I told Deputy Lamia this and I gave him this information and her cell phone number and I left a message for Linda to call me. The deputy found her and made her call me and she finally gave me her new address which she said was 4304 Canongate court, Spring Hill, Florida 34609. She also said that she had been living there since the domestic violence case that she had put on Kelly McCabe. I research this address and the house is for sale, for it is under foreclosure.

5/30/09 Happy Birthday Bowdoin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I called you today and I was allowed to speak with you and wish you a happy birthday. You said that you loved me and missed me and I told you the same thing. Linda wouldn’t let me speak to you Camden, but your Dad loves and misses you too.

6/22/09 Yesterday was father’s day and I hoped and wished that you guys would have called me to wish me a happy father’s day so I could have talked with my sons on father’s day. I don’t blame you but I do blame your mother for not having you guys call me. Your both too young to locate the number and call long distance, but Linda could have help you call me. It has now been 6 years since we spoke on father’s day and it makes me very sad.

7/4/09 Happy 4th of July Camden and Bowdoin!! I wish we could be together to celebrate America’s birthday. We would have so much fun going to parades and the fireworks and playing all sorts of games. I miss you and love you both so much.

8/18/09 Linda e-mailed me on 8/11/09 telling me that she now has another new cell phone number 352-410-3302. I e-mailed her months ago and she finally responded to my e-mail. I didn’t even know her e-mail address, I just guessed as to what it was. She said that you were both at baseball camp last week and that you would call me over the weekend. She lied about having you call me because you never called. I would have loved to have talked to you about baseball camp. I used to coach you both baseball at the Y before my accident. I just hope that you can remember that.

9/2/09 Linda called me today to inform me that she has once again moved with you. Your new address is now 9546 Southern Charm Circle, Brooksville Florida 34613. I looked into it and discovered that she has once again been evicted from the Canongate address. By my count you guys have moved four times since my accident. I am so sorry that your mother never pays her bills. Lord knows that I give her enough money – well over a thousand bucks a month. I got to talked to you both and you are scared because now you will have to go to a new school. I wish that you were both with me because I would never let anything like this happen. Don’t be scared your Dad is with you and I won’t let anything bad happen to you if I know about it.

9/16/09 Camden and Bowdoin your teachers at Deltona Elementary School e-mailed me today to inform me that you no longer attend that School. They said that you now go to Pine Grove Elementary School. I called that school and discovered that your teacher is Ms. Maher, Camden and Bowdoin your teacher is Ms. Calderone. The telephone number of the school is 352-797-7090.

9/17/09 I called to wish you a happy birthday today Camden and no one answered the phone so I left a message and soon thereafter Linda returned my call so that I could talk with you. You seemed happy to get a basketball hoop and ball. I told you that I love you, and miss you and that I know that you are now going to a new school. I wish that your mother would one day follow the divorce decree and inform me about changes in your lives. I learned that you have been going to the new school since 9/8/09.

10/6/09 Camden your teacher, Mrs. Maher e-mailed me today to inform me that you were student of the week last week. She also e-mailed me pictures of you showing beside the sign that you were in fact student of the week. This made me so happy and proud of you. Bowdoin I also received a message from your teacher, Ms. Calderone so now I know your 4th and 3rd grade teachers at Pine Grove Elementary School.

10/7/09 I called to speak with you Camden and Bowdoin, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you. I congratulated you Camden for winning/being student of the week last week at school. I told you both that I am thinking of you and that I love you both.

10/21/09 I called tonight at 7:05 p.m. to talk with you guys as previously arranged with Linda that we would be able to talk every Wednesday night. She said that she would have you guys call me, but Linda didn’t do it last week so I called this week, but Linda refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you both Camden and Bowdoin, but I bet that you guys never get to hear any of the messages that I left for you.

10/29/09 I called tonight at 7:05 p.m. to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin and once again your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you both. I love and miss you both dearly.

11/6/09 I received your first quarter report cards today and I am so proud of you both. Camden congratulations on being on the Honor Roll and I know that you will get next quarter Bowdoin. If you were with me I would work on your reading every day. I tried calling you both two times before Halloween to see what you were dressing up as, but your mother refused to answer the phone and she refused to have you guys call me back. It hurts me so much but I try not to think about it. Camden do you remember when your Daddy took you trick or treating and we both dressed up as devils? Bowdoin I never got the chance to take you trick or treating because you were too young (only 2) and then I had my accident.

11/07/09 I called today at 1:45 p.m. to congratulate you both on your report cards and to tell you how proud I am of you both, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you both.

11/20/09 Thank you both so much for calling me yesterday on my birthday. You both definitely made my day. I am so glad that you are going fishing and catching fish. I wish that we could go fishing together on my boat. Camden I am so proud of you for being in writer’s club and I will e-mail your teacher to tell her as well.

11/26/09 I called today at 11:15 a.m. to wish you a happy Thanksgiving Camden and Bowdoin and to tell you Camden that I received your second quarter progress report and to tell you and Bowdoin that Sydney and Avery Taylor say hi and that they both miss you.

11/29/09 I called today at 2:10 p.m. to talk with you and to see how your Thanksgiving was, but once again Linda refused to answer the phone, so I left a message which I’m sure that you will never get to hear. Your Dad misses you and loves you both so much and it hurts me that we never get to talk with each other.

12/3/09 I have been thinking so much about you both lately. I am having trouble sleeping because I feel that I am missing so much. I have been thinking about what I was doing as a child your age. When I was 8 and 10 years old my Dad would practice baseball with me every week. Hitting me hard ground balls to field and fly balls to catch and pitching me baseballs to hit were just some of the things he would do to make me a better baseball player. This would continue for years to come and I think that it is the main reason that I started as a freshman for my varsity high school baseball team. If you guys were with me I would practice your sports activities with you every day and I would help you study so that you could get so much more out of school. I just miss you both so much. Linda called the other day and said that you don’t remember Sydney and Avery, but I know for fact that you do Camden and I bet that you remember them too Bowdoin. After all you were both told by Linda that I was dead when you were ages two and four and Camden I remember to this day when I saw you both in the nursing when your babysitters took you to see me and you said Camden “I told you Bowdoin that Daddy is not dead.” I have to thank your babysitters Jasmine and Billy Fagen for not believing that I was dead.

12/24/09 Camden and Bowdoin I called tonight to wish you a Merry Christmas but your mother refused to answer the phone. I called at 6:15 p.m. and I left you a message telling you that I hoped and prayed that you would have a great Christmas. I miss you and love you both so much.

1/03/10 I can’t believe I got to actually see you on December 30, 2009. It was only for 10 minutes but it meant so much to me. You two have certainly changed a lot since I last saw you. I can’t believe that your mother didn’t tell me that you were coming to Maine and that you had been here for a week before she actually called to tell me that you were in Maine. She refused to even let me know that she was bringing you to my house to see me. Thank God that I was there. When I talked to her on the phone I asked her if I could come get you so I could spend some time with you, but she adamantly refused; moreover she said that I couldn’t see you alone without her. Once again she blatantly ignores the divorce decree, but I am so happy that I at least got to see you for 10 minutes.

1/08/10 I called today at 6:50 p.m. to talk with you and again she didn’t answer the phone and I couldn’t leave a message because her voice mail box was full.

1/10/10 I called again to talk with you and of course she didn’t answer the phone so I left a message for you wishing you both a Happy New Year and telling you that your Dad misses and loves you both very much.

1/23/10 I called at 8:00 p.m. to talk to you but your mother refused
to answer the phone so I left a message telling you that I missed you and loved you both so much.

1/30/10 I called tonight at 7:00 p.m. to talk to you Camden and
Bowdoin but your mother refused to answer the phone so I
left a message telling your mother that I sent her a letter and
that I e-mailed her attempting to set up a time that I could
you on weekly basis so that we could keep in contact with
each other. I also left a message telling you that I loved you
and missed you both so much.
2/4/10 Camden I got your fourth grade second quarter report card
today and you did great. You went up in reading to an A
from a B. You only went down in spelling to a C from an A.
You will bring that up next time. Happy New Year Camden
and Bowdoin! I have called you numerous times but your
mother refuses to answer the phone.

2/13/10 I called you today at 5:45 p.m. to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you and her. I said to her that she must have received my letter and my e-mails to her for us to set up a time when I could call you and talk with you and I told her to have you guys call me. I love you and miss you both so much. I got your report card Bowdoin and Daddy is so proud of you and Camden. Love, Dad.

2/17/10 I called today at 6:00 p.m. to talk to you Camden and Bowdoin, but your mother refused to answer the phone. I am getting so tired of this and I bet that you never get to hear the messages that I leave for you. This is so frustrating for me Camden and Bowdoin. Your Dad is trying so hard to be a part of your lives, but your mother refuses to let me be a part of it. I love you and miss you both so much.

3/15/10 I called today at 6:45 p.m. hoping to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin but once again your mother refused to answer the phone. I left a message for you to call me so I can talk with you. I told you that I love and miss you. I also told you that I am getting ready for fishing season and that I hope that I can take you fishing. I love and miss you both so much.

4/23/10 I received your third quarter report card today and I am so proud of both you. Way to go!! Congratulations on the honor roll Camden!!!!!! And Bowdoin you are doing fine too. I just wish that I was with you so I could help both of you study. I love and miss you both very much.

5/1/10 I called today to talk with you about your report cards and fishing but your mother refused to answer the phone. I left a message but no one returned my call. I caught 2 nice salmon and they were big. I wish you were there with me on the boat.

5/7/10 I called today at 1:00 p.m. to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin to tell you about the fish (salmon) I caught and to talk with you about your report cards but your mother refused to answer the phone. I left a message for you which I am sure that you never get to hear. Your Dad loves you and thinks about you both every day. I wish that I could see you and take you both fishing with me.

5/30/10 I called you twice today Bowdoin to wish you a happy birthday and to talk with you on your birthday, but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left two messages for you to call me back. I love you and miss you and your brother so much. Happy Birthday Bowdoin!!!! Love, Dad

6/5/10 Bowdoin I have called you about 10 times to talk with about your birthday and my surgery, but your mother refuses to answer the phone. I left messages for you but I bet that you never received my messages. My surgery was ok and now my left arm is in a cast from my soldier down to my left hand. I am thinking of you and your brother and I miss you and love you both so much.

6/19/10 I received your report cards a couple of days ago and I am so proud of you both!!! You both did great. Camden Honor Roll again! You must get your brains from your Dad….

7/17/10 I called today to talk with you both and to see how you were but your mother once again refused to answer the phone. I left a message telling you that I loved you Camden and Bowdoin and that I missed you both so much. I also said that I wished you were here with me now so I could have taken you to the Yarmouth Clam Festival. In the message, I said for you guys to call me but once again I bet that you never got that message for no one called me back.

7/18/10 I called you guys twice today, once in the morning around 10:00 a.m. and you called back at 2:30 but I wasn’t home so I called again at 5:30. I left messages both times but you didn’t call back again. I love and miss you both so much.

7/20/10 I called today at 5:45 p.m. to talk with you guys but Linda’s cell phone said that she is not accepting calls at this time. Therefore I couldn’t talk with you or even leave a message. Things must not be going too good for her because a bunch of creditors are calling my phone number trying to find her. I hope that you are both doing well and are ok. I don’t know why she won’t fix your tooth Bowdoin. God knows that I am sending tons of money down each month for child support and she should be spending it on you and Camden – not herself. But I think that we both know what she is spending that money on.

7/22/10 I called again today and Linda’s phone wouldn’t accept calls so I called the police to let them know that I couldn’t talk with you and I didn’t know where you were so they went to your house and saw Cassidy. She gave them Kelly Mccabe’s phone number 352-346-3914. I called that number that the police gave me and I spoke with him and he told me that you guys were staying with him this weekend and he would have you call me. You did call me from 352-346-6704 and I spoke with you and you told me that your mother works for H&R Bloch and she goes on business trips and that she makes good money. I told you that I loved each one of you and missed you both and I told you to thank your ex-father in-law for me. You said that you would be there until Sunday and you have been there since yesterday (Wednesday).

8/8/10 I called today to talk with you and your mother answered the phone and I was allowed to speak to both of you. I called a couple of days ago and your mother said “talk to James and then we will go see Daddy” referring to Kelly Mccabe. Imagine how that made me feel….. It hurt like hell!!!!!

8/12/10 I went to visit Melody and Aaron Taylor today and their family: Marissa, Sydney, Avery and Colby. Sydney and Avery were your friends in Maine and Florida and everyone wanted to know about you. They wanted to hear about you and talk with you and see you but I had to tell them that your mother won’t allow you to have any contact with them and I told them that she won’t allow you guys to come and see me. They were so sad. They miss you and love you guys so much which made me happy and sad. Happy because you still have friends in them but sad because I don’t get to see you either.

9/4/10 I called tonight at 7:15 to see how your first week of school was and to see if you liked your teachers but Linda refused to answer the phone. I also called your phone Camden and left a message for you. I tried your phone Bowdoin too but your phone said that you are not accepting calls at this time. I left a message on your mother’s phone to have you guys call me. I love and miss you both so much!

9/5/10 I called you twice today at 11:30 a.m. and 6:45 p.m. and I left two messages for you telling you guys to call me and that I loved you both Camden and Bowdoin very much.

9/8/10 I called again today at 7:45 p.m. your mother’s cell phone telling you both that I wanted to talk with you and that I love you both very much Camden and Bowdoin. No one has returned any of my calls.

9/11/10 Bowdoin and Camden Daddy called today at 12:30 p.m. (Saturday) to talk to you but your mother refused once again to answer the phone. I left a message telling you guys to call me. I also called your cell phone Cam Man and left the same message. Your Dad loves and misses you both so much!!!

9/12/10 I called again today at 11:45 a.m. but to no avail for your mother refused to answer the phone. I left a message for you both that I bet you never get to hear. This is so frustrating for me Camden and Bowdoin!!!! I bet she tells you that I don’t call you and that I don’t love you. This is nothing but a lie!!!!!!

9/17/10 I called today to wish you a happy birthday Camden but your mother once again refused to answer the phone. I left a message for you telling you happy birthday and that I loved you. I also called your phone and left the same message. I hope that you got my card and my gift to you.

10/12/10 Camden no one called me back so I couldn’t talk to you about your birthday. How are you? Hi Bowdoin! Do you guys know what today is??? It is the 7th year anniversary of my car accident where I lost my leg and almost died. I am so glad that you guys weren’t hurt bad!!

11/1/10 Yesterday was Halloween and I have been thinking of you both so much….. Wondering what you dressed up as?? What you did? Did you have fun? It has been so long since all three of us went trick or treating. We dressed up as devils. I bet you can’t remember it but I have pictures of us. Camden and Bowdoin it hurts me so much not to be a part of your lives. Linda won’t let me be a part of your lives, she won’t let me see you or rarely even talk to you on the phone. Why?? I don’t know but it hurts me so much!

11/11/10 I received your report cards yesterday and you are both doing so well and I am so proud of you both!!! I talked with your teacher, Camden and Ms. Brown said that you have to study for your spelling tests but you had all A’s and one B. Bowdoin I received the note that you wrote me in your report card from Ms. Haenel and thank you so much for that note. And I know that you will have a B next quarter in Reading. That note meant so much to me Bowdoin and I love you and miss you both so much.

11/21/10 I called today at 11:45 a.m. to thank you Bowdoin for calling me on 11/17/10 to wish me a happy birthday. My birthday is 11/19/10 but I wasn’t home when you called so I called back but no one answered the phone so I left a message to thank you. I also congratulated you and Camden on your report cards. You both did so well and I am so proud of you both and I love you and miss you so much!!

11/25/10 Happy Thanksgiving Camden and Bowdoin!!! I am thinking and praying for you both so much today. I hope you are having a great day. Do you remember the last time that we were together on Thanksgiving? It was 2005 when your mother was in jail and you were with me and we had Thanksgiving at Jill and Louis’ house. At the time we didn’t know that Linda had been incarcerated and was in jail.

12/24/10 I called tonight to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin and low and behold your mother answered the phone and let me talk to you both. I wished you a Merry Christmas!!!! And I asked you both if you had received my Christmas card with the $1000.00 bond notices that I put in it, but you both said that you hadn’t received it. Your mother must have never gave it to you. For that I am so sorry boys. I am constantly thinking of you and praying for you and I love you both so much!!!

1/2/11 I called today to wish you a Happy New Year!!! Your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message wishing you a Happy New Year. I then called you Camden and then I called you, Bowdoin leaving the same message and to tell you that I loved you and missed you!!

1/4/11 I called you today Bowdoin and Camden to talk with you before you go back to school because I know that you are still on vacation from school but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for you. Hopefully you will get my message and call me back but I know that you guys never get my messages and this makes me so sad and angry. Love, Dad.

1/13/11 I called Linda today demanding to know where you are living. I was told by Kelly Mccabe that you are now living at 5447 Championship Cup Lane, Brooksville, Florida 34613. By law, I am to know if you move and where you are living. I left a message for Linda telling her to let me know today or I will send the police to find you.

2/23/11 Camden and Bowdoin I really don’t know where you are living. I am so proud of you both academically. I can tell how well you are doing through Edline. You are both so smart and your Dad is so proud of you. It bothers me so much Camden and Bowdoin!!!! It seems that you are no longer living with that Bill Walker guy. Your mother must have pissed him off and from what I can gather from Kelly Mccabe, she is going to be kicked out of the championship cup lane address.

2/27/11 I called today and low and behold your mother answered the phone on the first ring and I was allowed to talk with you both. It was nice to hear your voices! I love and miss you both very much. Your mother then got on the phone and was pissed about my book that I wrote. The truth hurts Linda!!!!!!!!! She accused me of sending the book to Bill Walker and her boss and I never did that. She also accused me of sending it to Kelly Mccabe which again, I didn’t but he did buy a copy of my book. Linda refused to give me your new address for she has moved you again. I will try to find it so I can send you cards, letters and notes.

3/9/11 I called you today at 7:30 p.m. to talk with you but your mother refused to answer the phone. I left a message for you telling you to enjoy your company for I know that Meme and Pepe are there. You didn’t return my call and I am sure that your mother never told you that I called. I know your new address is 5334 Kirkshire Lane Spring Hill, Florida 34609. I learned it from Kelly Mccabe.

3/26/11 I called today at 1:15 p.m. to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin but once again your mother refused to answer the phone. I know that Cassidy no longer lives there and she has very little to do with your mother. I left a message for you and I called your phone too Camden and left the same message. I love you and miss you Camden and Bowdoin.

4/2/11 I called you today Camden and Bowdoin but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message.

4/4/11 I find out today that your mother was arrested on Saturday night/Sunday morning at 12:31 for drunk driving. She was in jail and I don’t know if she was bailed out or not…..

4/10/11 I called today at 12:15 p.m. to talk to you Camden and Bowdoin but your mother refused to answer the phone so I left a message for her saying if she was finally out of jail, to have you guys call me. I also called your cell phone Camden and told you that I am fishing today wishing that you and Bowdoin were with me.

4/11/11 I called today at 6:15 p.m. to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin but your mother didn’t answer the phone. I told you that I talked to Marissa Taylor and she was the one who told me about your mother being arrested. I also talked with your friends Sydney and Avery Taylor. I am sure that you both remember them. They say hi….. I miss you and love you both so much!!

4/14/11 Camden and Bowdoin I received your 3rd quarter report card and you both made honor roll. I am so proud of both of you!!!!!!!!!!! Bowdoin this is your first time with all A’s and B’s and I am so proud of you. After all you promised me that you would do it; it just took you a quarter longer than you had anticipated but you didn’t give up. Camden you always do great work. Dad is proud of both of his sons!

4/25/11 I have called the today and the past few days to talk with you about your report cards and about DCF (department of children and family) interviewing you. I have probably called 7-10 times since April 11, and Linda did answer the phone a couple of times and said that you guys were outside playing or not there but she didn’t have you call me or return my calls. This hurts me so much not to be able to talk with my sons.

5/15/11 I called again today to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin but your mother refuses to answer the phone or return my calls. This hurts me so much guys……..I know that you don’t get the messages. Why is she so mean??????

5/22/11 I called today to speak with you Camden and Bowdoin and surprisingly your mother answered the phone, but once again Camden you were not there. I did get to talk with you Bowdoin and I asked you if you received your birthday card from me. You said that you didn’t and I asked you for your address to see if I had mailed it to the right address but your response surprised me and made me very mad. You said and I am quoting you “why do you need it?” I responded with to mail you things. You then said I don’t need to mail you anything. I said why is your mother telling you to say that? He said she isn’t……. I am saying it. Well I told him that I sent him a card and a large savings bond. I guess in the future I will have to send certified mail to my sons…….

5/30/11 Happy Birthday Bowdoin!!! I called to wish you a happy birthday and to talk with you but no one answered the phone, so I left a message for you. I am sure that you didn’t get it, in fact I am sure that you and Camden never get the messages that I send you. I called you today to Camden for I haven’t spoken with for a very long time. I went fishing yesterday and caught some fish and it made me think of you. You always loved to go fishing with your Dad. I remember that well and whenever I go, I always think of you wishing that you and your brother were with me. BTW caught a couple of big ones.

6/11/11 I called today to talk with you Camden and Bowdoin. I called your phone Bowdoin but evidently your mother never paid the bill for it had been disconnected, so I called and left a message on your mother’s phone telling you both that I loved you and I told her that she better keep abreast of what you are eating for you are getting fat Bowdoin. Your mother was over 300 lbs when she was in school and I don’t want you guys to get like that. I love and miss you both very much.

6/19/11 Today was father’s day and I was hoping for a call from my sons but none came. I haven’t had a phone call from either one of you on father’s day or my birthday since my accident in October of 2003. In the beginning I blamed your mother but you are old enough to say “hey mom, I want to call dad and wish him a happy father’s day.” I hope someday soon you will do that and call me. I love and miss you both so much Camden and Bowdoin!!!!!!!!!!! And I have worked so hard to pay back all my past due child support so everything is up to date and has been now for the past 5 months. I am sure that you haven’t seen a penny of thousands of dollars that I have sent down. I am so sorry that your mother is lying cunt!!!!!!

7/1/11 Camden and Bowdoin I have tried calling you many times over the past 3-4 days, but no one answered the phone. Your phone Bowdoin has been disconnected so I guess your mother never paid the bill. No surprise there. I have left many messages on your phone Camden and many on your mother’s phone but no one returned my messages. I congratulated you on your report cards Camden and Bowdoin and I called to wish you a happy 4th of July weekend. Bowdoin I wished that your mother would use some of the huge amounts of money that I send every month for child support to get you a phone. I love you and miss you so much Camden and Bowdoin!!

8/13/11 Camden I called your cell phone today at 9:10 a.m. and you didn’t answer so I left a message telling you how much I loved and missed you. I can’t call Bowdoin’s phone because it has been disconnected. I love and miss you both so much. In the message, I told you to call me. Love, Dad!

8/21/11 I called your mother’s phone today and yesterday to talk with you but she didn’t answer the phone so I left a message for you Camden and Bowdoin. I want to know what school you with be both attending this year. I told you that I am thinking of you, loving you and missing you both tremendously.

8/25/11 A lot has happened lately my sons. Before today, for the past 4 days your mother’s and your phone (Camden) said that it could not receive incoming calls. I told the ex-in-laws about it and they tried to call you to and received the same message. I guess the bitch never paid her bill!!!!!!!!!!! Surprised? Not really for she never pays bills…………… Linda called today irate at me. For what? Trying to get in touch with my sons? Oh well, get over it Linda!!!!!!!!!! I told her everything that her father (Norm) told me about how she had constantly brainwashed my sons against me. Of course she won’t admit that, but her own father, Norm, told me and besides, I already knew it. In the past, Camden and Bowdoin have told me this as well.

I heard you both in the background saying that you didn’t want to talk with me. This hurts so much Camden and Bowdoin, but I don’t blame you for you have been told so many lies about me for so long by Linda. I have not told your school anything about you not living in the school district that you are going to school in. That is nothing but a lie. I have paid thousands upon thousands of dollars in child support and Norm told me that he was told by Linda that I haven’t paid any. All lies boys!!!!!!!!!!! I now pay $360.00 every month in child support and she receives an additional $180.00 from SSDI (social security disability insurance).

Diary for my sons

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Lost so much...............

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Beginning

Friday, August 26, 2011

here it is Camden and Bowdoin